Epic Fails
The first time I went skiing, everyone teased me, saying they couldn’t believe I was going to risk breaking a nail.
Now it just so happened that I was the first one to go through the line getting my boots, skis, etc, after which I went outside to wait for everyone else. Unfortunately, by the time they all came outside, I was in the first-aid tent…because I had broken a nail.
Or that’s what all the big mouths told the ski-school instructor and all of the other students when I was late getting there. In fact, they pretty much announced it to the entire mountain of skiers. I’m fairly certain they would have taken out a billboard if they had thought of it, or placed a giant neon sign over the the bunny hill, blinking: “Danger! Broken nail ahead!”
What actually happened was that I had tried to adjust my boot, and when I went to relatch it, I caught my nail on the edge and tore the whole nail off….well, mostly off , since technically, it was hanging by a thread. Since band-aids and antiseptic were not something I carried around in those days (learned that lesson), and there was a surprising amount of blood gushing out, I headed out for some help (where’s a Saint Bernard with a whiskey barrel around his neck when you need one?). Also, I was beginning to scare the children waiting for the class as well as teach them some fun new words their parents probably weren’t thrilled for them to know.
The medics on duty took one look at my situation, shuddered, and handed me a pair of scissors to snip off the nail because it was, and I quote, “gross”, which apparently is a medical term. Who knew? They hid their eyes while I struggled with my left hand to cut off the dangling nail, and then deigned to wrap the finger in gauze to stop my glove from looking like a prop from a horror movie.
Not a hugely successful way to try something for the first time.
Sometimes, it is like that with the recipes I create. Except without the blood. Although…..but that is another story. I actually spend time with pen and paper before I even get into the kitchen, writing down ideas of things I think will go well together, or trying to come up with a new twist on something that hasn’t been done to death before. Often, I get lucky and the dish turns out as I expected, but not always. Frequently, I can fix the dish, but not always without a total make-over.
So the answer to the question I asked on Instagram about which of the two pictures above showed an epic fail (like my first time skiing) is: Both of them!
This is what the first dish looked like after I cut into it….and as bad as it looked, believe me, it tasted worse. Who would have guessed that tomatoes, eggplant, zucchini and “cheese” could taste so bad. To make matters worse, Tim was in the kitchen when I was cleaning up, and wanted to know what it was supposed to have been since it looked like, “something the dog yacked up”.
As for the second dish, I don’t have a picture that would do justice to the way it tasted, but let’s just say that not every vegetable is eligible to make slaw. Some turn kind of translucent and get really soggy and droopy and kind of develop a texture and taste that they might want to consider for those weird flavored jelly beans from Harry Potter. Like ear wax. Only worse.
I did remake the eggplant, squash dish successfully, which I’ll post (if you can get the image of the fail out of your head). Unfortunately, since Tim saw the original, it is not something I will ever get him to even try. Cannot unring that bell.
I’m working on the other one too, and hopefully I’ll have good news to post soon on that one too.
When I fail, I like to fail big.
