French Onion Soup

A few weeks ago, I lost my mommy.

I don’t mean I lost my mother, I mean that, like a 5 year old, I couldn’t find my mommy and panic ensued.

I was visiting my parents and my mother had a doctor’s appointment.  Since she is unable to walk much, we use a wheelchair to get her around and this is a two person job, so I had a helper with me (who shall remain nameless so they don’t have to hear about his for the rest of their lives –except form me, mwhahahahahaha).

We literally pulled up directly in front of the doctor’s office which is in a strip mall (everything in Florida is in a strip mall). I could not have gotten any closer except to actually drive the car through the front door and speak into the receptionists mouth.  This was not rocket science.

“I’ll go park and meet you in there,” I said after we got my mother situated.

Not 3 minutes later, I walked into the office and was surprised to find that my mother wasn’t sitting there.  Surprised only because I’ve seen concert ticket lines for Lady Gaga that have a shorter wait time than this doctor.  This office should have a list of things to bring with you for a visit that includes 3-5 meals, enough water for 1-2 days, blankets, pillows, possibly a tent or at least an air mattress and a battery pack to charge your electronic devices. I’ve seen them tell people with appointments to go home because it wasn’t going to happen that day.

“I’m looking for my mother,” I explained to the woman behind the desk.

“I think she’s in the bathroom,” she replied without even asking who my mother was.

Okaaaaay. So I check the bathroom.  No mommy.

“Nope, not there,” I let the woman know.

“Oh, we had someone go in the back to use that bathroom,” What is it with this woman and bathrooms?

So into the back I go, only to be stopped by someone else who informed me that that bathroom was empty.

“Could my mother be in a room already?” I asked.

“Oh no,” she replied, “but there was a woman here a while ago who came back, looked around and then left.”

“Was she in a wheelchair?” I asked.

“Ummmm,” she stammered, looking confused.

Several thoughts running through my head at this point: 1.Do we really want to go to a doctor where anyone can just wander in off the street, roam around and then hide in a bathroom and 2.How do you not know whether someone is in a wheelchair or not. It’s not like we camouflaged it with flowers and balloons to make it look like a float in the Rose Bowl Parade.

“I guess she’s not here,” the woman finally concluded.

Oh really? Are you sure she’s not hiding in the broom closet?  Maybe she is making rounds with the doctor because she is so easy to miss seeing.

At this point, you might be asking why I just didn’t call my mom’s cell and find out where she was.  Well, there’s a very good reason: she won’t carry a cell phone, and if by some weird coincidence she has it with her, I guarantee you it wouldn’t be turned on.

So now I’m back outside thinking, alien abduction? cloak of invisibility? David Copperfield trying out a new routine? How do you lose two people between the curb and a door that is five feet away?

In a bit of a panic, I considered calling 911, but wasn’t sure telling them that someone my age had lost their mommy was going to fly well.  Me ending up in jail over a prank call was probably not going to help.

In desperation, I started walking around the mall, looking for perhaps another doctor’s office they had wandered into. I finally found them a few minutes later, standing in between the buildings in a shaded area. Flooded with relief, I still had to ask…why are you here and not in the doctor’s office?

The answer? We were waiting for you to go in and it was too hot in the sun so we thought we’d wait here.

SMH

Ingredients:

• 3 large sweet onions
• 1/3 cup olive oil
• 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 2/3 cup vegetable broth
• 1/8 teaspoon pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon ground rosemary
• 1/2 head of roasted garlic (about 4 cloves)
• 1/2 cup red wine
• 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
• 1 cup vegetable broth

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350
2. Thickly slice the onions after cutting them in half.  Place in deep roasting pan in a single layer.
3. Combine the 1/3 cup olive oil through the ground rosemary in a small bowl, whisk and pour over the onions (they should be mostly covered).  Cover the dish tightly and bake for 1 1/2 -2 hours till golden and carmelized (check at the 1 hour mark and stir, then check again at 1 1/2 hours.  If they start to get too brown, take them out of the oven.
4. Scoop 1/2 cup of the onion mixture out of the roasting pan and puree it with the roasted garlic.  Place the puree in a large pot and saute it with the thyme and red wine until the wine is reduced by 1/2.
5. Add the the rest of the onions and the 1 cup of vegetable broth and simmer, covered for 15 minutes.
6. To serve, top with bread, sprinkle with cheese and place under the broiler on medium for a few minutes till the cheese is melted and golden.

Enjoy!