Lentil Wellington

This makes a beautiful meatless alternative to a holiday roast. Even all the meat-eaters in our family will eat this!

And speaking of the holidays…..

I recently went to the craft store to get some reed sticks to put in a Christmas oil that I had saved from last year. Up and down the aisles I went, but no sticks. So I decided to ask for help.

I approached a woman who was stocking shelves and asked her where they would be. She indicated to me that she could not hear, and I should ask someone else (mask wearing does not lend itself to lip reading). And this is where it all started to go wrong.

Years ago, I had decided to learn sign language (I also tried to learn Spanish at one point…turns out I have zero linguistic skills; It’s actually pretty much a miracle that I can muddle through a conversation in English). I bought books, I watched public television (this was before the internet), I even made my own flash cards. I was a total geek.

I was great…until I had to talk to someone. I once explained to a hearing impaired gentleman that Tim was my father and that I was married to him. Still having flashbacks over that one; I can hear the banjos if I really listen. Eventually, and most likely to the great relief of the hearing impaired community, I stopped trying.

So I don’t know what possessed me to try and use sign language with this woman. In my head, I signed, “Sorry to bother you. Is there someone who can help me?”

The look on her face indicated I said something more along the lines , “This is a holdup. Put the elf ears in this bag and no one gets hurt.”

I eventually gave up and moved on to ask someone else…who also could not hear. Leery of attempting sign language again, I tried to move on, but she insisted on helping, and getting the first woman to join in.

Their hands flew gracefully through the air, but it took me way longer than it should have to realize that whether or not you know sign language, I probably should have picked up on the fact that holding up four fingers and pointing to an aisle means Aisle 4. Yeah, I way overthought that one.

Eventually, they had to lead me like a toddler to the correct aisle and shelf. I made one last feeble attempt to thank them, but I may have signed, “You’re welcome,” by mistake. It may be awhile before I am allowed back in that store. Sigh.

Ingredients:

6 sheets phyllo dough (defrosted according to package directions)
1 cup puy lentils (rinsed)
3 sprigs of thyme
3 Tablespoons tomato paste
3 teaspoons minced garlic
2/3 cup diced onion
1 cup chopped mushrooms
3 teaspoons dijon mustard
1/4 cup red wine (optional, but highly recommended)
2 cups vegetable broth (plus up to 1/3 cup more if needed)
1/3 cup rolled oats (NOT quick cooking or steel cut)
salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

Saute the onions and mushrooms in a splash of olive oil 3-4 minutes over medium heat till the mushrooms release their juice and start to turn brown. Add the garlic, saute 30 seconds-1 minute till fragrant. Add the red wine and cook till it is reduced by more than half. Add the tomato paste, mustard, thyme, lentils and broth. Bring to a boil, cover and simmer for 20 minutes.
Add the oats, stir and if there is not enough liquid, add the extra 1/3 cup of broth. Cover and simmer. 10 more minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool. Add salt and pepper to taste.
Preheat the oven to 400.
When the lentil mixture is cool enough, put it in a food processor and pulse it till it has the consistency of meatloaf (like Beyond Meat, but you don’t pulverize it to the point where it is creamy. Leave a little texture. It’s okay if some of the lentils are still whole.
Working on a piece of parchment paper or, preferably, a silpat. Lay one sheet of the phyllo dough down with the short edge towards you. Brush it with olive oil. Lay a second sheet over the first one, brush it with oil, and repeat this process one more time with the third sheet. It’s okay if you get a few tears, just smush them back together, but try not to get any large rips. (Follow the directions on the box about keeping the stack of unused dough covered with a damp towel. It will minimize the dryness and you will get fewer rips)
Take the fourth sheet and place it so that the bottom half of the sheet covers the top half of the bottom sheets you just prepared. Brush with oil, place the fifth sheet on top, brush with oil, and then repeat for the last sheet.
Remove the lentil mixture from the processor and lay it on the phyllo dough where you joined the bottom and top sheets. Form it into a loaf shape, keeping the ends about 2-3 inches from the edges. Carefully fold the right and left sides of the dough over the loaf, and extend the folds to include the entire length of the dough, top to bottom. Carefully fold the bottom up and over the loaf, tucking it under the far side of the loaf, then flip the entire loaf over, gently rolling it up in the dough. Hopefully, your seam will be on the bottom or low on the sides of your Wellington. Brush the entire loaf with some more oil and use your hands to smooth any rough edges or funky bits and pieces of the dough. Cut 5-6 shallow slits (not all the way through the dough to the lentils) on the top and then carefully lift the paper or silpat with the loaf on it onto a baking tray and put it into the oven.