Mexican Panzanella (Salad)

To call this a salad is really doing it an injustice.  What is really is is a one bowl meal.

Step one:  Combine all ingredients except the avocado and spinach.  Pour the dressing over, toss, and let sit in the fridge for about an hour.  Use that hour to relax, help the kids with their homework, workout, go for a run, watch TV, give the dog a bath, shop online for fuzzy slippers, etc.

Step two: Add the avocado and spinach, toss, serve and enjoy!

Unfortunately, I used my hour in a slightly different and extremely more painful way than the suggestions listed above. Root canal without novocaine? I wish.  Stomach flu? Hah!  Walk in the park compared to what really happened.

About two months ago, Tim’s credit card number was stolen for the millionth time, so they gave us a brand new card with all new numbers, not just the last four.  Unfortunately, our subscriptions to Sirius XM  were on Autopay on the old card, so we (and by we I mean I) had to straighten that out.

And so I called Sirius.   Turns out, we had just made a payment on our portable radio service.

Portable radio?  Do they even make portable radios anymore?   And when did we supposedly subscribe to this…1976?  Maybe it was a boombox. Hang on while I get my disco ball out of storage and relearn how to do the hustle.

Yes.  Your portable radio with the number ABC1234.

I don’t have, nor have I ever had a portable radio. This needs to be cancelled immediately.

So you don’t want to use your radio ABC1234 anymore? You want a refund?

I never had a portable radio. I want to cancel and, yes,  get a refund.

Well, I can offer you a free radio and you can put the balance on a subscription for the new portable radio.

I don’t want a portable radio. I don’t care if it is free, covered in chocolate sauce, topped with whipped cream and a whole bottle of maraschino cherries.  I want the subscription cancelled.

Okay. I’ll cancel the subscription, but if you decide to restart it, you should write down the serial number for the radio which is ABC1234.

Um.  Sure.  I’ll write  down the number for my imaginary radio in invisible ink.

Foolishly, I didn’t let sleeping dogs lie.

We have another subscription for our car.  When does that expire, and can you send me an ebill instead of using Autopay?

We don’t do ebills.  Only paper invoices or Autopay. What car is that?

Seriously?  You don’t do ebills?  Wow.  You really are stuck in 1976.  Okay, so about the car? Don’t you have that in your file (and by file, I’m guessing a metal cabinet with manilla folders as opposed to those newfangled inventions called computers).

Oh, that was a trial subscription and it ended a month ago, but if you go out to the car and read me the number that comes up on the screen, I can give you a new subscription.

Out to the car I trudged, turned it on, and…got Sirius XM.

Are you sure this expired, because I am listening to Sirius right now.

Are you sure its Sirius and not the radio?

Pretty sure.  As far as I know, there are no radio stations called On Broadway (okay, so I am a nerd)

Try changing the channel.  Can you get anything else?

Why yes I can.  What would you like to listen to? Country? Hip Hop? Sinatra?

Huh.  I don’t know why you are still getting a signal because it says here that you aren’t.

So, what are we going to do about it?

I dunno.  I guess you have free radio.

Really??!!

Yeah.  When it stops, just call us and we can start it up for you again.

And there went the entire hour, sucked out of my life, never to be gotten back.  My guess is that tomorrow morning, when I start the car, I have no radio.  Maybe I should bring my portable radio with me instead. And my roller skates.  And disco ball.

Ingredients:

• 1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
• 2 cups roughly chopped tomatoes (the older and jucier the better)
• 1/2 cup sliced scallions (green onions)
• 1 cup stale bread, cut into cubes
• 1/4 – 1/2 cup roughly chopped cilantro
• chopped chili peppers to taste
• 1-2 avocados, cut into bite-sized pieces
• 2  (packed) cups baby spinach, torn into small pieces
• 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
•  2 Tablespoons white balsamic vinegar
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic
• pinch of salt

Directions:

1. In a large bowl, combine the beans, tomatoes, scallions, bread cubes, cilantro and chili peppers.
2. Meanwhile, in a small jar, combine the oil, vinegar, garlic and salt. Shake well to combine and pour over the bean mixture.  Toss well to combine, cover and refrigerate for about an hour to let the bread soak up all the juices.  It won’t get soggy.  Promise.  Not if it is really, completely stale.
3. When you are ready to serve, add the spinach and avocados, and toss to combine.

Enjoy!