Taquitos

I recently needed to help my mom renew her passport. Not the most fun I’ve ever had.

We fill out all the forms with all the information, date of birth, place of birth, SS number, address, hat size, shoe size, bucket list items, favorite childhood pet, best book ever read, etc. Then we have to get a picture. Easy? No. We take the picture, then we start going to the websites listed on their website to get it sized and printed. The first two let you upload the picture but no matter how hard you try (and three of us tried) you cannot get it into the existing template. It was like trying to thread a needle with a cooked piece of spaghetti. It would have been easier to just bring her down to the passport office and have them take a mold of her head.

Finally, we found an approved website that was user friendly, by which I mean that it only took four hours, three bouts of tears, half a bottle of extra-strength pain reliever, a football field full of lavender and 56 cups of camomile tea to get it done. But we had done it! victory was ours! Off in the mail it went.

And that is when victory turned into defeat.

I checked the passport office website to see what the status was two weeks later. Basically, it told me that they had received it and because I had signed up for expedited service it would only take 4-6 weeks for them to process it.

Wait. What? 4-6 weeks is EXPEDITED????? How long does it normally take? 4-6 years? Do you even look like your photo anymore by the time you get it, or do you have to have plastic surgery to turn back the clock so that you don’t get arrested for using someone else’s passport because you don’t look like that anymore? Aaaaaargh!!!

But wait. There was a number to call if you wanted to check and see how far along in the process you were. So I called it.

The person who answered was about as helpful as Spanx on an elephant.

“Im sorry (he was definitely not),” but we can’t check on the process from this office. You have to go to the website and check there.” he informed me.

“I did go to the website,” I explained, “that’s where I got this number. It said to call here to check the status.” (mentally counting to 1,000,000 so I didn’t go all Terminator on him)

“Well, we don’t have that information anymore,” Mr. Personality told me. “We used to, but now it’s all online.”

“It’s actually not, and maybe you need to update your website so that people don’t call you if you can’t help them,” I said.

“Gee, thanks,” he snarked at me. “I’ll be sure to get right on that and let them know. You’re the first person to ever tell me that.”

Whoa. I’ve taught teenagers with less attitude than this guy. All of a sudden, he went from having the personality of a dead fish to Regina George from Mean Girls.

“Okay, I hear the sarcasm,” I called him on the attitude.

Big sigh. “I’m sorry, but I really can’t help you, and I’m not in charge of the website.”

Clearly. So what is the status? I guess I’ll find out in 4-6 weeks. Grrrrrrrr.

Ingredients:

1 can of jackfruit, drained, rinsed well, dried and shredded
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon paprika
2 teaspoons oregano
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons minced garlic
1/2 cup corn (optional)
1/2 cup finely diced onion
1/4 cup tomato paste
1/4 cup water
2 Tablespoons nutritional yeast
tortillas of choice (whole wheat, large, small, etc.)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 425 (or use an air fryer set to 400)
In a large pan on the stove, saute the onion until it is soft. Add the garlic and saute about 30 seconds till fragrant. Add the jackfruit, cumin, paprika, oregano, garlic and saute 30 seconds to 1 minute more.
Add the tomato paste, water and nutritional yeast and cook, stirring till thick. Add the corn and stir it in.
To make the taquitos, place a line of the filling 1 inch from the edge of the tortilla. Roll the tortilla up and place on a baking sheet (or plate if using the air fryer), seam side down.
Brush the taquitos lightly with a tiny bit of oil and put in the oven for 15-20 minutes, or the air fryer for 8-10 minutes, turning over halfway through.

Enjoy!